Struggling :(

Payne is struggling with preschool and this bReAks my heart! We decided since Payne stayed home with my mom everyday that we would enroll him in preschool this year  to work on his socialization skills. By nature I think he is a very shy person and that is ok but being with my mom and not around other kids amplified it (in my opinion). He was never really excited about the idea from the beginning. I shrugged this off as “it’s a change and he will adjust”. He did ok at first but around the Holidays with so many breaks, I would take him and he would melt down in my car. I had to leave to get to work and that was that, I felt bad. But now that I am home I have been able to take him in and see what he does there.

I believe that he goes to one of the best preschools in the area and the teachers are amazing!  So I know that is not how he is treated. I think it truly stresses him out to be left with people he doesn’t know well.  He has his ROCK Lucy but she wasn’t there today and I think that didn’t help. I told Payne that I was going to leave after story, about 30 min. into the day and he kept asking me to stay longer, I was firm that if I came in I had to leave after story. At free play, he only want to play with me, so I kept asking other kids if they wanted to join in, he was ok with that.
At story he sat close and looked at me with pure pleasure in his eyes. I knew I had to leave and break his heart and this I did. It was not pretty, I leaned down to say good bye and his eyes teared up and he held onto my arm as tight as he could. His teacher suggested that I draw a heart on his hand to remind him that I love him and will be back soon and he drew one on my hand. So I said good bye and, the heart helping a little but there were still tears. I had to leave, I can’t go to school everyday all day. That would defeat the purpose. So today I leave with as many tears in my eyes as him and I am sorry!!